Finding My New Tribe and Loving the Old One



I saw a sign today that said, "Your vibe attracts your tribe."

Tribes.  They are the new hip thing to talk about.  Whether it is your mommy tribe, girlfriend tribe, your BFFs, your book club, wine club, whatever!  Call it what you like, but it all boils down to finding a group of ladies that you share a common interest with and find support in their company.

Now, fellas, I know y'all have your tribes as well, but since I have never actually heard a dude refer to his "tribe" outside of belonging to a legitimate Native American tribe, I am going to stick with referring to us ladies for this post.

Though I never really considered my particular group of friends my "tribe", the sign today did get me thinking.  I have to say I agree with it.  Whether you are a Law of Attraction like-begets-like sort of gal or more of a spiritual practice-what-you-preach person, it seems to fall under the same idea.  We surround ourselves with people that most closely reflect ourselves.

"A tribe is a group of people connected to one another, connected to a leader, and connected to an idea.  For millions of years, human beings have been part of one tribe or another.  A group needs only two things to become a tribe: a shared interest and a way to communicate." --Seth Godin

In my personal experience, this is absolutely true.  And while I thoroughly love my current tribe, I do feel a sense of sadness and loss for my tribes of the past.  It is hard to reminisce over lost or faltering friendships that were once so incredibly strong.  And it is disheartening to think that my current tribe will possibly, one day, be a thing of the past as well.

But life is all about learning lessons and moving on.  We go into relationships hoping they will last.  Some do and it is remarkably wonderful.  But when they end, whether on good or bad terms, we always end up taking a little piece of them on the road with us.  Ready to use that in our next set of relationships.

I am now in the Mommy Tribe and man is it fierce.  The only unfortunate outcome would be that joining this tribe meant leaving my last one.  My College Tribe.  The group of ladies I journeyed with on a path to adulthood.  They were in my wedding.  My closest confidants.  My best friends.  I loved this tribe with all of my heart.  I still do.

Four girls, silhouette, sunset, birds

It was with my College Tribe that I grew to understand who I was and what I wanted to do in this world.  They were women from all walks of life, backgrounds, and perspectives.  But we experienced life together and that made us close, even if we were separated by distance.  I am so fortunate to have had this tribe and cherish each memory we made.  Those were the days.  And I would be lying if I said seeing all these kids moving into college this week didn't make me a little jealous because, yes, those years were just that good.

But life moves on.  Seasons change.  After I finished my Master's degree I knew I had to leave that life behind to start the next chapter.  I would say it was bittersweet but, honestly, I didn't even know I had left the tribe until they were already in my rearview mirror.  I moved on thinking things would stay the same as they always were.

It was a gradual process.  Visits with old friends became fewer and far between.  Texts turned from daily, to weekly, to occasionally.  We went from being in each other's Facebook posts to simply liking them.  But this was alright.  I would much rather drift slowly apart than end things on bad terms.  This way I know I still always have their love, support, and friendship.  I hope they know they always have mine.

Just as leaving my College Tribe was a gradual process, finding my Mommy Tribe was rooted in slow beginnings.  My entrance into motherhood was rather lonely as I was one of the first in my group to have a child.  But before I knew it my tribe began to grow.  I'd meet one friend that would lead to meeting many more.  All of these women, whether they had children or not, revived my mommy spirit with much-needed community.

These are the women I go to now when motherhood has gotten the better of me.  I can tell them why life is hard without fear of judgment.  Even better, I can tell them why life is so great without fear of receiving envy laced criticism.  They see my struggles and help me through and I do the same for them.  Every woman, mom or not, needs this in her life.

And you know what?  I have a pretty remarkable group.  Not only do I have new friends that have earned a spectacular and irreplaceable seat in my heart, but time has a way of reviving the old and making it new again.  Many of my old tribe members have crossed over to my new tribe.  I love welcoming them with open arms.

This post if for all my girls.  OT (Old/Original Tribe) and NT (New Tribe).  You have impacted my life so many times only for the better.  I wish you the best of luck as you move forward, as well, joining new and exciting tribes of your own.  And should you come and join mine, I'll be so happy to have you back.

I love you!

"The best kind of friendships are fierce lady friendships where you aggressively believe in each other, defend each other, and think the other deserves the world." --Unknown

Friends on bench, ladies, looking at water.

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