I don’t remember the last time my 4-year-old fell asleep on my chest. He just did one day and then didn’t the next.
There was no sad goodbye. No heartbreak with the knowledge that I would never again feel his tiny body peacefully slumber in my arms.
As with most things with our children, we don’t know it’s the last time until the time has long passed us by. But you know...
I prefer it that way.
I don’t ever want to know when the lasts truly hit. The last snuggle, last hand hold, last baby belly laugh.
Instead, I want to live and love only in the moment. Not giving a second of my energy over to being sad for the possibility of the end.
For finality happens, whether we like it or not. And that bittersweet sadness will be there waiting for us in the years to come—ready to be both embraced and mourned as only a mother can.
But right now, I’m choosing to rest in joy. Holding onto hope that this snuggle won’t be the last while accepting that it could be...and that’s okay.
Because joy is a feeling but also a place. A mental state of being. And it’s a pretty wonderful place to be.